My first pedicure

Lt. Dan made me get a pedicure.

OK, stick with me here.

When Forrest Gump arrives in Vietnam with a batch of freshly trained soldiers, his platoon leader Lt. Dan Taylor gave him advice that has stuck with me through the intervening years since I first saw the film in 1994: “Two standing orders in this platoon, one, take good care of your feet, and two, try not to do anything stupid, like getting yourself killed.”

I’ve never been one to go in for spa treatments or pedicures or anything that involves exfoliation. I’m a “no muss, no fuss” kind of guy when it comes to grooming.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in maintaining good hygiene. I do not let myself go. I have a standing appointment on my calendar to get my hair cut every five weeks, and I stay on top of clipping my nails, trimming my eyebrows and tending to all the other facial regions where unsightly hair seems to be emerging these days.

But a pedicure just felt like a step too far.

I have strong associations with the word that make it hard for me to say, much less experience. A pedicure is something Carla enjoys from time-to-time, and her attempts to get me to go felt like an opportunity to mock me in a social situation out of my element.

As an avid “Seinfeld” viewer in the ‘90s, I was also suspicious of what the technicians might be saying about me because of the 1995 episode, “The Understudy,” in which Elaine brings George’s father, Frank, with her to the nail salon to translate what the Korean technicians are saying about her.

Through the years I’ve developed an occasional tradition of spending time with each of my boys one-on-one in an activity they enjoy. This year, Harris and I went to see “Furiosa,” the latest installment in the Mad Max series. Barron and I took our canoe out on the lake at Stone Mountain. We were delayed a week because of weather, but we still made time for a paddle.

Carlton was my willing sidekick on the pedicure adventure, and it was a bit of a role reversal. He’s had a history of problems with his giant feet, and he’s accompanied Carla a few times to have pedicures. I was relying on his expertise to know how to navigate this new territory for me.

Even Carlton panicked a little before when we pulled into the parking lot of Pro Top Nails in Snellville. He insisted on calling Carla to make sure we asked for the right service. She didn’t know what the levels were called, but she recommended a step above the basic service.

That was enough for me. I imagined Lt. Dan ordering me out of the car, so I took a deep breath and plunged in.

They sat us in big, leather mechanical massage chairs with fancy tubs at the feet. Apparently there was a section just for dudes because they sat us next to a muscled up dude who was getting a manicure and pedicure. I immediately felt less self conscious.

When we indicated we wanted pedicures, they put Carlton and me in chairs side-by-side. They put a plastic liner in the tubs, and we immediately begin soaking our feet in the warm, bubbling water.

We were given a laminated menu from which we could select the treatment. I went with the “Deluxe,” just above the “Basic.” It included all the usual stuff plus some salt and lemon, which Carlton said reminded him of the garnish at a seafood restaurant. 

They turned on the massage chairs, and away they went, clipping, trimming, doing stuff to my toe cuticles I never do, and then rubbing lemons and then salt on my feet. When they were done with the nails, they massaged our feet and calves.

I’ve got to say, the whole thing took about a half hour, and it was pretty great. Relaxing without being nearly as involved as a massage, and I felt like my problematic big toe was well trimmed without bringing on an ingrown toenail, which was another of my irrational fears.

I had managed to go 53 years without a pedicure, but based on my experience, I promise it will not be another 53 years before I try it again. Carlton and I enjoyed our time together which we capped off with feasting at the conveyor belt sushi place. My feet were shiny and clean, and my heart was full from spending time with my son.

The one unexpected downside? Carla wants me to go with her next time. I don’t know if I can do that. Pedicures feel like a guys-only kind of thing.