Mexican restaurant personality quiz

There are two kinds of personality tests: scientifically valid and silly. This is the latter.

Among the myriad serious assessments of your “type” or “preferences” are Enneagram, DISC Profile, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the Big Five Personality Test (aka OCEAN), and Clifton Strengths Finder.

I’ve taken them all at various points in my illustrious career and as my Darling Beloved will tell you, I can be classified as “weird.”

I’ve not taken nearly as many of the silly personality tests that flooded the internet in the ‘00s. You know the ones. They were mostly just click bait, but the content has somehow managed to live on at such sites as Buzzfeed and OOOPEN Quiz.

I just checked in with my Darling Beloved, who likes to take these on my behalf, and she informs me that I can still be classified as “weird.”

In that spirit, New South Essays is offering a series of its own personality quizzes as a means of generating scientific understanding of the human psyche (and thousands or even millions of clicks to grow its audience to Buzzfeedian heights.)

Today’s quiz: The Mexican Restaurant Personality Type Indicator or MRPTI, now legally and officially used for the first time by New South Essays and soon to be trademarked by NSE Enterprises LLC.

I frequent the Taqueria Los Hermanos location in Lilburn but have also been spotted at the Tucker location, especially now that I work in Tucker. My go-to order is tacos (after all, it is a taqueria) and especially the carnitas soft taco on flour tortilla, fish soft taco, al pastor taco or taco de camarrones, depending on my mood.

We love the new, larger location at the corner of Killian Hill and Lawrenceville Highway in the old Boston Market building. It moved there a few years back and can accommodate larger crowds. And it does get crowded. It can get noisy and hot during the summertime, but we are undeterred. We can be found there at least once a week, sometimes more. When our older sons are home, they find great comfort in eating there.

Last spring we introduced Harris and his girlfriend, Anna, to El Sombrero, our favorite Mexican place in Macon. Now that she’s matriculating in Athens for her master’s degree, they are trying to find a favorite in Athens. Barron has been in Athens a few years now and has his regular Mexican haunts. There is some confusion around the “La Parillas” in Athens. One is a taqueria and one is just a La Parilla, and I don’t know the difference. I know one has a great fish taco.

As you can tell, I have given Mexican restaurants a lot of thought, which is why I am fully qualified to offer this personality quiz. Tell me your favorite Mexican restaurant, and I will reveal deeply hidden truths about yourself that you never knew, (and probably never wanted to know.) There’s also Mexican restaurant-adjacent choices one makes that also provides insights, and this quiz includes those as well.

The main problem with the MRPTI is that while there are some universal characteristics of Mexican restaurants in towns across America, I can only really apply it with accuracy to the Lilburn, Georgia, vicinity (aka “Thrillburn,” aka “the 30047” for our famous zip code.) So if you are taking the quiz somewhere else, you will have to substitute your local eateries based on the context clues. Admittedly, your mileage may vary, but New South Essays guarantees that all results are within a margin of error of plus or minus 98.

Without further demora, let’s comenzar:

1. On a typical Friday night, I will choose to dine at…
   1. El Guero
   2. El Rustico
   3. Frontera
   4. Taqueria Los Hermanos
   5. Agavero Cantina
   6. Agavero Parkside
   7. Chipotle
   8. Other

2. When I order at a Mexican restaurant, I…
   1. Stick with my favorite dish.
   2. Scan the menu and decide on impulse.
   3. Pick the noisiest dish currently being served near me.
   4. Want something extremely time consuming and complicated.
   5. Make so many substitutions that the language barrier prevents it from ever coming out correctly.
   6. Change my order three times depending on what others at the table order.

3. Mexican food is great and all, but my drink order is my priority. I like to order…
   1. Margarita
   2. Sangria
   3. Mexican Coca-Cola
   4. Topo Chico Mineral Water
   5. Jarritos Soda
   6. Water
   7. Sweet tea
   8. Coffee

4. When celebrating a birthday, I drag my family to a Mexican restaurant because…
   1. I like to humiliate them by taking their picture in a sombrero with the staff singing “Happy Birthday” in Spanish slightly off key.
   2. Three (tres) words: Tres Leche Cake.
   3. I want to order the giant burrito and win a free T-shirt that says “I’m a Fatty Who Ate El Burrito Gigante.”
   4. I love Mariachi music.
   5. So much noise. Even the fajitas are noisy.

5. While I’m dining at a Mexican restaurant, I like to…
   1. See who else from ______ (Lilburn) is also eating here and interrupt their meal with long, in-depth conversations about a relative who is sick or recently passed.
   2. Watch LaLiga and LigaMX futbol games on the TVs.
   3. Eat the equivalent of 72 fried tortillas by consuming 19 baskets of chips and salsa while waiting for my food.
   4. Order in Spanish with a really bad accent a la Peggy Hill from “King of the Hill.”
   5. Touch the hot plate even though the server just told me to be careful because the plate is hot.
   6. All of the above

Ok, so now the results:

1. Restaurant choice:
   1. You prefer to engorge on Mexican food in the privacy of your own home. (They have limited seating.)
   2. You want the same great Mexican food but in a different, quieter location.
   3. You like to confuse people you are meeting for dinner by sending them to the one that burned down and reopened as opposed to the one that just closed or the one with the Lawrenceville address that’s close enough to Lilburn to be super confusing. You chose this option when you really don’t want people to join you.
   4. You have great taste and enjoy the rich and bountiful flavors of Mexican cuisine.
   5. You like luchadoring and people in masks body slamming you on your birthday.
   6. You like to eat your Mexican food outside while your dog looks longing at you as the contents of your taco spill out the back when you take a bite.
   7. You are in a hurry.
   8. You disdain popularity and like to be able to say to people, “You should really try ______. No one goes there but the food is amazing.”

2. Order choice:
   1. You are a creature of habit who likes what you like.
   2. You live life to the fullest and carpe all the diems.
   3. You are easily distracted by squirrels and shiny objects. You also crave attention and want everyone to look at you when the noisy and smoking dish comes out of the kitchen.
   4. You want to maximize the time you get to spend with loved ones and never want the evening to end.
   5. You love options and are super creative. You like people to congratulate you on your ordering prowess by saying, “I never would have thought to ask for the mole sauce on a tamale.”
   6. You are indecisive and don’t want people to judge you. You have commitment issues and are afraid of disappointment.

3. Drink choice:
   1. You are a cliche.
   2. You are a vampire wanna be.
   3. You are soon to be diabetic.
   4. You once drank so many Topo Chicos in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas when it was 178 degrees that you like to order it because it quenches your thirst better than anything.
   5. You are six years old.
   6. You are boring.
   7. You are Southern no matter where you go.
   8. You are old.

4. Birthday:
   1. You are a masochist who likes suffering.
   2. You can easily name two of the three leches but you swear it’s that third leche that makes it such a great dessert.
   3. You are 14 years old.
   4. You played trumpet in high school band.
   5. You have ADHD.

5. Activities while dining:
   1. You do be nosy.
   2. Futbol is life!
   3. You are hungry to the point of making bad decisions.
   4. You lack self awareness.
   5. You are defiantly independent. No one can tell you what to do.
   6. You are the party.

Based on your answers, here are the Mexican Restaurant Types:

• Selective
• Southern
• Supersized
• Starving
• Spirited

Wait… how do you know which type matches which answer? I told you this was silly not scientific. You figure it out yourself.

There you have it. The definitive MRPTI brought to you by New South Essays. If this post didn’t entice you into a carnitas soft taco on flour then you don’t have a pulse.

Salud! 

Tell us about your favorite Mexican restaurant. Leave a comment and help us know where to eat when we come to your side of town.