Maybe it’s just me, but I cannot avoid “clean” these days.
Everyone is wanting to go “clean” these days. I’m not always the most “with it” middle aged dude, according to my teenager, so I’m not sure what “clean” means. Do you?
Let’s play a little word association game. I’ll say “clean” and you say the first word that comes to mind. Ready? OK, here goes…
Clean… room.
This one is pretty deep seated, isn’t it? If you were ever commanded to “Clean your room” as a child, this version of clean may be the most top of mind. It brings back memories of shoving all of my Star Wars toys into my closet, hoping my parents’ inspection would not include that part of my living space.
Let’s try again.
Clean… comedy.
It’s well established that here at New South Essays we consume and promote clean comedians such as Nate Bargatze, Dusty Slay, Leanne Morgan, Landon Bryant, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Derrick Stroup, Greg Warren, John Crist, among many others. A lot of their material is developed and posted to the Nateland YouTube channel, and clean comedy as a category seems to be having a moment.
I listen to a number of podcasts (because who doesn’t want to bombard their already full-to-overflowing brains with content) from and about these folks, and working clean is a frequent topic.
OK, time for another round of our thought experiment:
Clean… house.
To me this has at least two levels of meaning. At face value, this literally means doing household chores like emptying the trash, washing dishes, cleaning the toilets, dusting, vacuuming, and even wiping the windows and mirrors. It’s something that has been around for decades, but to hear the internet influencers tell it, it’s suddenly trending again.
Why we have “discovered” cleaning is somewhat baffling to me, but so are most internet (e.g. TikTok) trends are.
The other meaning is getting rid of stuff. I credit/blame Marie Kondo for this entering the zeitgeist a few years back. In fact, her name has become synonymous with getting rid of stuff. My favorite use is now the firing of football coaches, like on “Black Monday,” the first day after the last NFL regular season game when half of the teams “Marie Kondo” their staffs… a.k.a. “Clean house.”
Still with me? Here we go again:
Clean… eating.
Some of you may have said “eating” the first time because this is really a trend. The first time I heard it mentioned, oh, sometime in the past six months, I thought it was referring to washing your food and other food preparation hacks that have flooded the World Wide Web (Does anyone still call it that?)
But like most trends these days, I was completely and embarrassingly wrong.The people at the Mayo Clinic (which has nothing to with Hellmann’s or Duke’s) have a pretty plain definition I think can be agreed on: “eating foods that are as close as possible to their natural state.”
That includes a lot of fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, stuff with 1 to 5 ingredients… nothing sugary or processed. I’ve heard it stretched to exclude gluten, but like with any category of anything, especially health trends, there’s probably some leeway.
I guess I subscribe to the concept, but I’m not that careful. I’m more of an old school, food pyramid/food plate guy. I like my fruits and veggies, but you will find me eating processed foods from time to time. And it has been well documented in this space that my most often consumed food group is “leftovers.” These are not always clean and sometimes, regrettably, not always edible.
Last time:
Clean… beauty.
I saved this clean trend for last because honestly, everything in the category of “beauty” mystifies me. I don’t know what all the creams, lotions, balms, and emollients are for other than to part us from our money.
I think it’s about having clear and healthy skin. And maybe some chemicals, too. Or animals. Putting eyeliners on animals has always felt cruel to me, but then again, putting eyeliner on anything or anyone feels cruel.
My beauty products could be simpler, I’ll admit. I do use separate body wash, shampoo and conditioner, but I always linger over those “three-in-one” bottles of Suave goop at the grocery store. I have a hard time resisting $1.99 to clean everything all at once. I would stop at dental hygiene. I’m not using body wash for that. I need my toothpaste.
And speaking of paste, I’m a dedicated pomade aficionado. Even though the cylindrical containers have risen in price faster than crude oil in a Middle East crisis, I keep using the slickum as a way to either keep my hair from sticking up in some places and make it stick up in others. And as Ulysses Everett McGill once said: “I like the smell of my hair treatment; the pleasing odor is half the point.”
So there you have it, a comprehensive analysis of the “clean” trend sweeping the interwebs. (How about that one? Anyone still using that slang term?”) You can confidently go into the comments on YouTube lifehacks videos and share the knowledge from the most reputable source of cultural commentary on the information superhighway (No, that reference feels a little dated.)
Beginning with this post, I will now be promoting every post on New South Essays as “clean” in all the ways that are important to you.
Here’s hoping you can stay clean. It’s dirty out there.
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