Holiday countdown-itis

We’re conditioned from kindergarten to anticipate a significant break from industrious activity at the end of the calendar year.

I’m sure you remember those halcyon days when playground conversations focused on what you were going to ask Santa to bring you for Christmas, the construction paper Christmas tree crafts, the classroom Christmas party, the church Christmas play and the general sense of anticipation and excitement that gripped you as scenes of Christmas cheer played out all around you.

But ask any school teacher, and they’ll quickly tell you, these are some of the hardest days of the year to impart knowledge and manage classroom behavior.

Firmly ensconced in middle age, I’ve discovered that this conditioning stays with us well past our school years. One of the most disappointing realities adulthood brings is that there isn’t a two-week break around Christmas and New Year’s. Despite that less than ideal circumstance, we can’t help but get excited, even if we have jobs that require us to work through the holidays.

Three young men hang ornaments on a Christmas tree. — Our boys are almost grown, so savoring the traditions are top of mind for me this year.

I’ve made this whole holiday anticipation worse for myself by spending the majority of my career in higher education. I cannot tell you what a wonderful benefit it is that my employer shuts down for 10-12 days between semesters. Very few emails. Almost no interruptions. I’ll have to go into the office one day this year because of interim responsibilities for fundraising, but for the most part, I’m able to disconnect and decompress. I’m blessed, and I know it.

All of this conspires to make the buildup to Christmas almost unbearable. Our work, school, church and personal calendars stay packed, so as an adult, the time really does fly by. I have not yet completed my gift purchasing, and I’m feeling the haste more acutely this year.

The challenge I’m noticing this year is the ability to focus. I’m seeing this called out in social media more as well. It’s an every year phenomenon, but with Thanksgiving falling on the early side this year, there are a few extra days before Christmas for the anticipation to build and the distractions to grow.

I believe everyone has something they’re anticipating at Christmas: Young kids look forward to receiving gifts. Parents of young kids look forward to seeing their kids’ excitement over their gifts. Parents of adult children look forward to seeing their children and grandchildren. Those who have experienced grief during the holidays or deal with depression this time of year, look forward to it all being over.

Instagram post that says "Welcome to the weird work void between Thanksgiving and Christmas, when everything and nothing is a priority." — Can you relate?

Instragram post that says "Going to school in between Thanksgiving and Christmas break feels like the last lap in Mario Kart where the music is all fast and gets really stressful." — Can you relate?

No matter what you’re anticipating this year, I have some suggestions for coping:

Pump up the volume. Lean into the Christmas music. Unless you work in a retail environment with a limited Christmas playlist that will drive you crazy after an 8-10 hour shift, playing your favorites at home or in the car helps shift your mindset from stressed to savoring.

Plan to be distracted. On days you are feeling particularly distracted, build in some time to look back at your social media feed around the holidays from years past. If everyone at your office is feeling nostalgic and wants to share their favorite memories or tell you about the concert they went to over the weekend, just build it into your calendar. Planning for being a little less productive will help you be more productive than if you just try to push through.

Pause. If the time feels short, and anxiety over not getting it all done before Dec. 25 assails you, that’s a signal to just stop. Pull over or unplug or stare into space or breathe deeply. Whatever pausing looks like for you, do that for 10 or 15 minutes. It will ground you and relieve the assault on your mind that your overflowing to-do list is creating.

Feel all the feels. If this season is joyful for you, call it out. Name it. Say it out loud. “‘Dominic the Donkey’ makes me so happy!” (I can’t imagine that’s the case, but if so, you do you.) If you are grieving or envious of those who enjoy the holidays or having negative feelings that you don’t think you should be having, lean into those emotions and express those. Again, say it out loud and give yourself permission to not be joyful: “All of this holiday activity makes me miss my grandmother” or “I feel overwhelmed at all I have to do.”

I’m finding real power right now in expressing thoughts verbally that I normally keep bottled up. I have found it helpful. James Clear in his bestseller “Atomic Habits” calls it “Pointing-and-Calling.” It’s worth a try.

So whether your Christmas countdown is going well or not quite what you wanted, I hope you are able to get some rest, find comfort and experience joy in spite of any personal or global challenges you may be facing.

Hang in there. Christmas will be here before you know it.

How do you cope with the season of anticipation? Do you dread Christmas? Leave a comment below and share how you are doing this year.

Having Myself a Very COVID Christmas

Nothing has been the same in 2020. The holiday season is no exception. The 36 days between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day that include Chanukah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa will be unlike any other in my lifetime.

We’ve reached December. The music, weather, and lengthy to-do list are the same, but many facets of the holidays are unrecognizable. Here are 10 ways I’m anticipating the pandemic will impact my Christmas celebration:

Exterior of house decorated with lights and wreaths for Christmas. — The 2020 version of our Christmas decorations feature new ribbons on our wreaths and new positioning of the floodlights. It’s the little things during the pandemic that bring joy.

No parties. Typically, our family’s calendar is filled with social gatherings for my wife and me and for our children. I have complained in the past of having an overstuffed December social calendar. Not this year. I have one event on the calendar at the moment, and it is a socially distanced, masked, hour-long party for my middle son. I’m sure a few more social occasions might trickle in, but they won’t resemble the festivities of years’ past.

No concerts. Our boys are musically inclined. Concerts, parades, and recitals are as much a part of our holiday season as parties. Sometimes the performances and parties occur in combination. I will miss my boys’ musical events and the way they set the mood for my Christmas celebration. Music fills me with Christmas spirit, but Spotify can’t replace the live performances that have become our tradition.

Shopping online exclusively. As has been documented in New South Essays in the past, I’m not a fan of shopping. I embraced online shopping a few years back, but I usually take the boys out for individual excursions so they can purchase gifts for family members and each other. We avoid the peak times, but these relatively short forays provide me with all the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping I need. This year, I’m planning for all of it online.

Limited family interaction. Our biggest struggle this year is getting together with family. We traditionally go to Florida after Christmas to spend time with my parents. Occasionally my Texas-based brothers are able to join in, and our boys get to see their cousins. Such was the plan this year, but those plans are shifting. We have been taking precautions for nine months allowing us to stay healthy and care for my immunocompromised mother-in-law. This close to the distribution of a vaccine, we simply can’t risk a trip to be around out-of-state family. The fear of missing out is most acute for me with this component of our holiday celebrations. To compensate, I am placing a high priority on a trip to Texas when the pandemic ends.

Different faith observances. I’ve written extensively over at View from the Pew about how our church experience has been different during the pandemic. Our pastor is determined to make sure we have a Christmas Eve service. We’ll bundle up and gather outdoors, keeping our distance and foregoing parts of the service that bring us into close contact. I will welcome the Christmas Eve service in any form, but there are many other annual observances I am missing, especially our church choir’s Christmas music. Again, Spotify is an imperfect substitute.

Appreciation of health. I am experiencing greater appreciation for my health this holiday season. This year in which I turned 50 has been full of health challenges. In February I had a bout of the flu and pneumonia before COVID-19 raged across the country. Then in March I tore my meniscus which I finally had repaired with arthroscopic surgery in November. In spite of those setbacks, we haven’t had to deal with a case of COVID in my household. I am grateful and hopeful that continues into 2021.

Gratitude for each other. We will be around each other more this Christmas than any other, and while that contributes to the petty arguments and frustrations boiling over, it will also cement our family’s bond. Sitting around our Thanksgiving table and calling my parents later that day filled me with gratitude for the people in my life in a profound way.

Decorating early. I saw a lot of social media posts this year of people “needing a little Christmas, right this very minute” back on Nov. 1. We weren’t quite there, but this year I’ve forsaken my annual complaint of people skipping Thanksgiving and going right to Christmas. We all do what we have to do to make it through. Our own Christmas decorations didn’t go up early. In fact, because of some home projects, our tree sat lit but undecorated longer than usual, but early decorating is the rule rather than the exception in 2020.

Clinging to tradition. We’re not giving up traditions this year, we’re reinventing and re-interpreting them. We’re boiling them down to their essential quality and meaning and finding a way to do them safely. The best example so far is our Saturday after Thanksgiving trip to Ihop and Christmas tree shopping. This year, we made a huge breakfast at home, had a leisurely morning, cleaned up the kitchen together, and finally made it to the tree lot around noon. There was less time to decorate, but the boys agreed this may be a permanent change to our holiday traditions.

Seeking joy. More than gifts, food or nostalgia, I am seeking joy this Christmas. I cannot remember entering a holiday season in my lifetime with such a desperate need to be uplifted, encouraged and inspired. Whether it’s in the laughter of my family around our table, hearing the familiar words of Luke 2 on Christmas Eve or the strains of Harry Connick’s “Harry for the Holidays” album, I will savor the feeling of joy that has been so elusive these past nine months.

That’s my list. I’m curious how your holiday season will be different this year. Whatever may come, I hope your holidays are safe, meaningful, memorable and above all, joyful.

Y’all be sure and drive slow

Not all trends in the New South are welcomed by traditional Southerners with an appreciation for history. In fact, their voices tend to be among the loudest decrying the increasing recreationalization of Memorial Day. It’s hard to disagree with their case.

I doubt very seriously that when Gen. John Logan proclaimed May 5, 1868, the first official Memorial Day he had pool parties, hot dogs on the grill and big-budget movie releases in mind. What’s now referred to as the “unofficial start of summer” does not have much to do with the sacrifices of America’s soldiers and their families.

My family’s route to church takes us through Duluth where twice a year the city’s streets are lined with flags. The week prior to and following Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day, flags attached to white crosses bearing the names of service men and women serve as a reminder to passersby that there is something real and meaningful happening. It semi-annually prompts interesting discussions with my children.

Because of the flags, I get the opportunity to tell my boys about the service of their grandfathers, my dad in the Air Force and my father-in-law in the Navy, and how my grandfather fought in two wars – World War II and Korea. I can connect the dots for them when we visit my parents’ house in Florida and they see the framed name badge and medals from my grandfather’s service.

Actually, the flags also serve as contemporary reminders that the United States continues to fight wars on two fronts. Americans are still giving their lives in defense of their country, and the day still has meaning for many families. As the World War II generation passes off the scene, we may be in real danger of losing Memorial Day. Oh, we’re not in danger of losing the three-day-weekend that marks the start of summer. Congress tried to debate that back in 1999, but no representative with an eye toward re-election would take away a working person’s three-day weekend.

Flags at Duluth city hall — Flags lining the streets and adorning the lawn of city hall in Duluth, Ga., serve as important reminders.

No, the real threat is losing the connection with, pardon the cliché, the real meaning of Memorial Day. This isn’t a phenomenon unique to Memorial Day. I would argue it’s already happened to Thanksgiving (Black Friday Eve), Martin Luther King Jr. Day, President’s Day, Labor Day and maybe even Christmas.

In connecting the dots from grandfathers to military service to Duluth’s flags for my boys, the picture isn’t complete until the line reaches the conclusion of freedom. Ultimately, that’s what Memorial Day comes back to. Men and women freely offered up their lives, whether wittingly or unwittingly, in defense of their country. We remember them as we enjoy our freedoms.

So maybe there is a way to remember our war dead even as we stand in line at the Cineplex or clean off our grills for the first time since Labor Day. Perhaps as we attend pool parties with friends we can reclaim a sense of gratitude and even grief for the lives lost in the horrors of war.

It will require effort, and we have to be intentional about it, but Memorial Day in the New South doesn’t have to be just another three-day weekend.

To quote singer songwriter James McMurtry:

“It’s Memorial Day in America
Everybody’s on the road
Let’s remember our fallen heroes
Y’all be sure and drive slow.”