Tag: Memorial Day

Canoe conversations

I am always seeking out ways to maneuver my offspring into meaningful conversations.

I went into this parenting thing believing the lie that family dramas on TV sell (I’m looking at you Seventh Heaven) about deep conversations with your children happening once every 23 minutes only to discover that it’s really hard to find a time – and a place – to talk to your kids about the most important stuff in life.

For my oldest and me, the red Old Town canoe I bought off my former boss Ben McDade has turned out to be that place for us. We had the canoe out again on Memorial Day this week, and the time together did not disappoint.

Barron Wallace holds up package of Lance Nekot cookies with Lance Wallace in the background giving a thumbs up.
Lance… the official snacks of canoeing adventures.

The red canoe didn’t start out as such a great facilitator of dialogue. Back when Barron was a pre-teen, we took the canoe to the beach with us for our family vacation. We had just procured it, and I was eager to take it out on Choctawhatchee Bay, which we did several times during that week.

Those first excursions produced amazing moments like having dolphins swim right up next to us. That’s when, in a panic, I realized how big they are and how easily they could have sent us swimming.

That day on the bay also taught me that canoe conversations cannot be forced. Carla had been after me for months to have “THE TALK” with Barron about the birds and the bees. I decided he would be a captive audience in the canoe, but when I got around to broaching the subject, about an hour into our paddling, Barron said emphatically, “If we’re going to talk about sex, I’m jumping out.”

Over the years we have found safer discussion topics that I have enjoyed thoroughly. My laughter is probably still echoing off Stone Mountain from the time Barron regaled with me all of his misadventures at Boy Scout camp, many of which I had never heard. Those were foundational experiences for him and taught him to be resourceful and self-reliant, traits he continues to exhibit into adulthood.

In the three or so hours it takes us to paddle around the entire circumference of Stone Mountain Lake, we can cover a broad range of topics. We usually spend some time talking about our location: What Barron would do if he owned Stone Mountain Park, speculation about what movie or TV show is filming there on location, why a chipmunk would be swimming in the middle of the lake, our favorite part of the lake (Barron’s is the covered bridge, which he recently learned was transplanted from Athens), how do golfers play through or around so many Canada geese and the phenomenon of stand up paddle boarding.

Barron Wallace paddles a canoe with a covered bridge in the background at Stone Mountain Lake.
Barron’s favorite spot at Stone Mountain Lake is the covered bridge. He recently learned the bridge was originally located near Athens and was relocated to Stone Mountain Park.

Then there’s the rankings: all time best songs, TV shows, movies, vacations, college football games, etc.

And, the reason I get out of bed early on a holiday and go to the trouble of strapping the canoe to the top of the minivan – we also talk about deep subjects such as faith, church, career choices, relationships, the future, parenting and what we’re looking forward to.

There are lots of ways you can connect with the important people of your life. Barron and I have found the canoe really helps.

I don’t know the next time we’ll have the Old Town back on the water, but I look forward to the conversation.

Where do you find that you have meaningful conversations? Share the places and settings where you find that you have the best talks with friends or family members by leaving a comment below.

Y’all be sure and drive slow

Not all trends in the New South are welcomed by traditional Southerners with an appreciation for history. In fact, their voices tend to be among the loudest decrying the increasing recreationalization of Memorial Day. It’s hard to disagree with their case.

Gen. John Logan
Memorial Day had a lot of meaning to both sides of the Civil War when it was first officially declared on May 5, 1868, by Gen. John Logan.

I doubt very seriously that when Gen. John Logan proclaimed May 5, 1868, the first official Memorial Day he had pool parties, hot dogs on the grill and big-budget movie releases in mind. What’s now referred to as the “unofficial start of summer” does not have much to do with the sacrifices of America’s soldiers and their families.

My family’s route to church takes us through Duluth where twice a year the city’s streets are lined with flags. The week prior to and following Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day, flags attached to white crosses bearing the names of service men and women serve as a reminder to passersby that there is something real and meaningful happening. It semi-annually prompts interesting discussions with my children.

Because of the flags, I get the opportunity to tell my boys about the service of their grandfathers, my dad in the Air Force and my father-in-law in the Navy, and how my grandfather fought in two wars – World War II and Korea. I can connect the dots for them when we visit my parents’ house in Florida and they see the framed name badge and medals from my grandfather’s service.

Actually, the flags also serve as contemporary reminders that the United States continues to fight wars on two fronts. Americans are still giving their lives in defense of their country, and the day still has meaning for many families. As the World War II generation passes off the scene, we may be in real danger of losing Memorial Day. Oh, we’re not in danger of losing the three-day-weekend that marks the start of summer.  Congress tried to debate that back in 1999, but no representative with an eye toward re-election would take away a working person’s three-day weekend.

Flags at Duluth city hall
Flags lining the streets and adorning the lawn of city hall in Duluth, Ga., serve as important reminders.

No, the real threat is losing the connection with, pardon the cliché, the real meaning of Memorial Day. This isn’t a phenomenon unique to Memorial Day. I would argue it’s already happened to Thanksgiving (Black Friday Eve), Martin Luther King Jr. Day, President’s Day, Labor Day and maybe even Christmas.

In connecting the dots from grandfathers to military service to Duluth’s flags for my boys, the picture isn’t complete until the line reaches the conclusion of freedom. Ultimately, that’s what Memorial Day comes back to. Men and women freely offered up their lives, whether wittingly or unwittingly, in defense of their country. We remember them as we enjoy our freedoms.

So maybe there is a way to remember our war dead even as we stand in line at the Cineplex or clean off our grills for the first time since Labor Day. Perhaps as we attend pool parties with friends we can reclaim a sense of gratitude and even grief for the lives lost in the horrors of war.

It will require effort, and we have to be intentional about it, but Memorial Day in the New South doesn’t have to be just another three-day weekend.

To quote singer songwriter James McMurtry:

“It’s Memorial Day in America
Everybody’s on the road
Let’s remember our fallen heroes
Y’all be sure and drive slow.”