Fall confusion

Welcome to fall… I think. Or maybe it was three weeks ago. Who knows.

For the past few years we’ve been hearing a lot about science and what it says or doesn’t say. If you follow science, it says that today, September 23, is the official start of the season known as “autumn” or “fall.”

Parents aren’t allowed to play favorites with their children, but people absolutely play favorites with seasons. The transition seasons – fall and spring – seem to get all the love. For that very reason, there can be a lot of debate about when those two seasons begin.

We’ll tackle spring at another, more seasonally appropriate time. The question for today is “When does fall officially begin?”

If you do not allow science to dictate your life decisions, or maybe you just have other markers to indicate the beginning of fall, you may have already begun living in the autumnal reality some time ago. Allow me to offer several potential dates for when fall begins, and you can choose which one you subscribe to:

When school starts. I realize I’m giving away my age here, but way back in olden times, school didn’t start in the middle of the summer. So when “back-to-school” sales appeared in stores, it wasn’t the Fourth of July. This is the preferred start of fall for educators, students and others tangentially involved in the education system from K-12 to higher education.

When football season starts. Depending on which level of football you care about, this could be early August for high schools, late August for college and September for the pros. As someone who played high school football in Central Florida when summer lasts from January 30 to December 1, there was no climatologically comfortable time to put on a bunch of equipment, several layers of clothing and a helmet. In some regions of the American football playing world, the sport begins at a time when players don’t risk heat stroke just dressing out. If you live in those areas, this may be when your fall starts.

When deer season opens. It’s a moving target (see what I did there?) and it depends on whether you hunt with a gun or a bow, but for avid hunters, deer season is really what calls them to put away their flip flops and embrace fall. In case you are wondering, bow season opened in Georgia on September 9. Gun season won’t come in until October 21. Something called “primitive weapons” is October 14, but I don’t really know what that means.

When pumpkin spice arrives. You can smell this indicator even before you see it. I believe it was late July when I purchased my first pumpkin spice latte from Dunkin’ for my pumpkin-loving teen. You may not believe this, but I really do try not to be that old “get off my lawn” guy who makes fun of everything “kids today” do. Still, even keeping an open mind, pumpkin spice shows up in our world earlier and earlier each year. If you are a pumpkin spice fan, this may be your sign of autumn.

When Halloween decorations and costumes go on sale. This has become an arms race with the pumpkin spice industrial complex. I realize if you have temporary stores like the Spirit of Halloween that occupy all the bombed-out Big Lots and K Mart locations, you need time to get set up, stock your inventory and hang your vinyl banner on the facade, but I swear it was June when I saw my first one go up. I don’t know much for certain, but I know June isn’t fall. If you love you some spookiness, this may be your official fall start date.

When you put out your pumpkin and hay bale. Southern Living subscribers and others prone to tasteful and seasonally appropriate porch and outdoor home decorations are always quick to move into this season because there’s not a lot for them to get excited about between July Fourth and scarecrow time. 

When the humidity drops and temperatures fall. Admit it: you say “Feels like fall” on that first crisp, morning when the oppressive heat of summer has abated. It’s OK. We all do. We can’t help ourselves. It’s just something you say, like “Good morning,” and “Isn’t that new hairdo interesting.”

When you wear a jacket for the first time. This is closely related to the above item, except now that I’m officially old and infirm, I find that I am pulling on a hoodie all summer long because the air conditioning indoors makes me cold. I endured some mocking last weekend when I wore an old man windbreaker to the church picnic. In my defense, the temperature had dipped below 80, there was a slight breeze, and we were in the shade. 

When the frost is on the punkin’ and the fodder’s in the shock. I think it was third grade when we memorized the poem “When the Frost is on the Punkin’” by James Whitcomb Riley. I can remember the first couplet pretty well, and it comes to me unbidden every year about this time. This may be more of a “me” thing than for anyone else, but it’s indicative of fall nonetheless. I can’t recall seeing frost on punkins around here, though, before December.

September 1. So this is where the science people begin to duke it out. The interwebs told me via the Google that meteorologists view September 1 as the official start of autumn and not the autumnal equinox. If you’re an equinox skeptic but a fan of cumulonimbuses, this date probably holds more validity for you.

Autumnal equinox, which is September 23 this year. If you are playing trivia this week or next at a local watering hole, this is probably what is accepted as the officially correct answer. But as mentioned above, there is some disagreement between weather science people and astrophysics science people. “Equinox,” which is Latin for “the thinking woman’s SUV,” has something to do with where the earth is in relation to the sun. It’s supposedly the cause of all these other phenomena we associate with fall, including the bit about leaves and such. Because of “Star Wars” I’ve always been more of a space guy, so this is the one I tend to go with.

Labor Day. I don’t know about you, but this is the date I circle on my calendar to put my white pants in the back of the closet. OK, I don’t own any white pants, but I have internalized the “don’t wear white after Labor Day” for some inexplicable reason. I do have certain pastel color neckties I retire until Easter, so I do participate in this tradition on some level.

When days get shorter. See “autumnal equinox” above.

When leaves start falling. Again with the autumnal equinox. This one is supposedly where we get the origin of the name “fall,” but in my yard, I’ve got all kinds of trees and bushes that drop leaves all the dang time, pardon my language. I have written before in this space about magnolia trees and that other “fall” season when their leaves mar the landscape.

When spider webs appear. Because I have a legally binding matrimonial relationship with a deeply arachnophobic person, this is an actual season around my house. This year it was marked by the purchase of long-shot bug killing sprays and when I had to start parking my new Honda Pilot outside so she could park the Odyssey in the garage. I did not have the courage to tell her that the first morning of this new “fall” arrangement, I walked into a giant spider web between the storage shelf and the van when I entered the garage on my way out to my car, relegated to the elements.

When the new TV shows start. Again, I’m telling my age, but once upon time, people had five TV channels and at some point the networks would shift from showing reruns to new episodes. They would also debut new programs each year about this time. Seeing as how we’ve got this actors’ and writers’ strike on and streaming shows are liable to start any time during the year, this is no longer a reliable indicator of the arrival of fall.

So there you have it. This list may not be exhaustive, but I’m sure it was exhausting. My definitive answer? Well, as I increasingly respond to questions these days, “I don’t know, man.” 

Take your pick. You do you.

Just, please, whatever you do, don’t be setting out gourds on your front porch in your white pants.

What do you consider to be the start of fall? Leave a comment below and join the conversation.