Mothers and sons

It seems rare for a family structure to repeat, but my family is living proof it happens.

I grew up the oldest of three boys with my mom the lone female in a household of uniquely male eccentricities. I am now the parent of three boys with my wife the lone female in a similar household. Now that we’re into our second generation of this, there are a few notable patterns that I see playing out that not only can Mom and Carla probably relate to, but many of you boy moms can as well.

Feeding. When your brood of boys reaches a certain age, there is simply not enough food in the world to keep them full. There is literally no such thing as ruining their supper. If they eat a pre-dinner snack, that just means there might be enough supper to go around. Mom confessed later when we were older that she used instant mashed potatoes to stretch our meals, and Carla uses bread in a similar fashion for our boys. Buying groceries, particularly in these inflated times, can put you in the poor house.

Physicality. The last whippin’ I ever got was for fighting with my brother Lee. We also used to play a Sunday afternoon sport in our bedroom when we were supposed to be napping called “Knee Football” which resulted in carpet burns, broken furniture and interruptions of parental naptime. We live in a two-story house. When all the boys are home and get to rough housing up there, it sounds like the ceiling is going to cave in on us in the living room. Someone is always roughhousing, and it’s impossible to have nice things for very long.

There is also a preponderance of athletics on the television. My brothers and I watched all the sports, meaning football, basketball and baseball. Our boys are mostly into football and baseball, though I’ve noticed more openness to collegiate softball now that certain significant others who played that sport are having an influence.

What’s true for Mom and Carla is that both have adapted to at least have a cursory understanding of the game, and my Mom even has the ESPN app so she can keep up with the scores and standings. Carla tends to ask very detailed questions about the intricacies of football in the last two minutes of a close Georgia Bulldogs game, but her boys try to be patient.

Violence. For me and my brothers it was “Star Wars” in our younger years and then “The Lord of the Rings” as we aged that dominated our pop-culture consumption. My poor mother and now Carla are subject to impalings, laser shootings, beheadings and mass armies of stormtroopers and orcs being mowed down on their TVs. Mom and Carla have learned to tune it out.

Maw Maw, my mom’s mom, would really get into it, though. I remember watching “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” on VHS during high school, and she was bobbing and weaving during the mine cars chase scene. I think my mom became conversant on various fantasy and sci-fi plot points. I don’t believe Carla ever will. 

Emotional support. From the days when we needed adhesive bandages for our boo-boos, my brothers and I always turned to Mom. It’s an understatement to say she was the more nurturing parent. She was also a good listener when we were at home and to this day. Carla fulfills a similar role for our boys. Carlton, in particular, expresses outrage when I pick up Carla’s phone when he’s in need of his mother.

“Ugh… What are you doing? Put Mom on the phone,” is his typical greeting when he realizes it’s me doing my terrible Carla impression. Boys need their mamas to talk through things and to get a woman’s perspective. Now whether we follow their advice is something altogether different, but at least we know it’s there.

Pride. A simple scroll of social media will reveal the depth of pride mamas have in their babies. Mom’s feed has expanded to include grandchildren, of course, but with me, Lee and Lyle, every milestone has been chronicled, shared and tagged for all to see and congratulate. Carla sometimes feels self-conscious about her bragging, but that can’t stop her from a humble brag about her boys.

A quick scan of her feed reveals many triumphs in Cub Scouts, Readers Rally, marching band, Mock Trial, academic awards, theater performances and graduations. And no one would fault her for it.

Vigilance. Boy mamas like to know what their darlings are up to. I’ve written in this space before about “Life 360” and how this app allows maternal espionage at heretofore unseen levels. Just this week our oldest boy, Barron, notified his mother that he would be taking a kayak trip with his buddies on the Broad River and not to be concerned if Life 360 showed he was in the middle of the river.

He did this because of an actual incident that had occurred previously when the app showed him in the middle of the river at an hour of night that had Carla convinced he had driven his truck into the swirling waters. And my mom knows my commutes before I get home on account of Life 360. Rather than being intrusive, though, I think it’s nice to know someone is concerned about my whereabouts and offering up a prayer for my safety.

Affection and affirmation. I didn’t grow up a big hugger, but Mom gets hugs now when we see her. All our boys give Carla big hugs, but nowadays it has come to be more of a signal that a visit is beginning or ending for the older two who spend more time off somewhere else than at the house. 

I still clearly remember in 2004 when my brothers and I came home after hurricane Charley did severe damage to our parents home and property. It was in early to mid August, meaning we were home for Mom’s birthday. We had to drive over to Winter Haven for her birthday dinner, and even with the physical devastation she had never been happier. There she was in the front passenger seat with her three boys crammed into the backseat just like when we were kids. She loved having her boys back home and to herself, even if it took a hurricane to get it.

For Mom and Carla, all of the annoyances and inconveniences are more than compensated for by what Carla calls “Feeling like the Queen of the house.” She likes being the only female because then she feels special. I hope she and Mom do feel special and not only on Mother’s Day, their birthdays and other special occasions. 

Being the mother of boys requires special skills. Mom and Carla both are really good at it, and we love them for it.

What is unique about your relationship with your son(s)? Leave a comment below and join the conversation.