Books, lip balm, reading glasses and toothpicks

You can tell a lot about people by what you find lying around in their home.

As was well documented in last week’s installment on lighting, (if you did not read that hilarious post, do yourself a favor and go back and do so now before proceeding. It’s OK, we’ll wait…) the gradual influx of supplemental lighting in our home might indicate we prefer a warm, cozy vibe to the stark and unrelenting glare of a Big Light.

If a detective were conducting a thorough investigation of our premises, and there is absolutely no reason that they would need to, after they turned on the Big Light, they would discover a curious assortment of items lying about: books, DCT lip balm, reading glasses and semi-used toothpicks.

Like the lamps, the accumulation of these items completely caught me by surprise. In a moment I am now not proud of, I teased my Darling Beloved about her various lip ointment containers and why they are showing up all over the place, including the compartment in the door of our Honda Odyssey.

My insightful observations were ramping up to a huge payoff laugh at her expense when I pointed out that the lip balm and lamps seem to be in league with Big Reading Glasses, a fictional corporate entity that has coerced her into purchasing multiple pairs to leave in every possible location where she might need them.

At the height of my smug self-satisfaction and comedic stylings, my Darling Beloved casually pointed out that everywhere I go I leave a trail of used toothpicks. I articulately responded, “Nuh-uh.”

But even as my stellar retort rolled off my tongue, I spied a spent toothpick perched on the glass topped side table next to where I watch my 40 minutes of television per week. In frustration, I shoved my hands into the pockets of the zip up hoodie I now wear around the house regardless of the season because of my incessant bodily frigidity and promptly stabbed my hand with the sharp end of a partially used toothpick.

Touché, Carla.

I’m a stickler for cleanliness and everything being in its place, so it’s clearly a blind spot that I leave toothpicks all over the house, including the side compartments of car doors. I am hereby announcing a Memorial Day resolution to do better at that (People do make Memorial Day resolutions, right?)

Is this lip balm thing really a problem? Who cares if there are multiple DCTs spread around? It actually works in my favor. If she didn’t have DCT everywhere, she would be asking me to go retrieve it from the medicine drawer or the mysterious purse of infinite internal depth with enumerable and indescribable contents.

I honestly don’t know when she began building the arsenal of lip balms, but her stylish collection of reading glasses began after her LASIK surgery last fall. While the procedure corrected much of her distance vision issues, reading glasses are required for close up tasks such as looking at her phone, perusing social media, planning her agenda on her tablet and reading all the books that are stacked up all over the house.

Which brings me to the books. The ones piled high next to her favorite, comfy chair are being actively consumed. She reads so many books. Carla usually has two or three going at any one time, including an audio book or two. When you factor in the plots of the television programs we’re watching, I honestly don’t know how she keeps any of it straight.

I also have a stack of books on my desk that are my “actives.” The “inactives” from either of us consist of “completed” as well as “not-yet-active” titles, and they perform a more useful function than merely providing visual interest on a bookshelf. These books are stacked to generate height for plants, picture frames and plates with various historical and cultural depictions.

I am no interior decorator, as evidenced by my proudly displaying a Dallas Cowboys throw blanket in my bachelor pad (By the way, I haven’t seen that blanket in approximately 28 years, oddly enough.) I am not qualified to comment on the stacking of books as a decorative touch, but if ever I’m looking for missing literature around my house, there’s a pretty good chance it’s adding elevation to something beautiful or stylish. If I want to read that book, I need to find a replacement of the same relative size so as not to throw off the delicate balance of book stack hierarchies.

The larger lesson from my growing awareness of my surroundings is that while I am all-too-quick to judge my Darling Beloved for her necessities placed here and there, I am oblivious to my own detritus. I would do well to remember not to judge lest I be judged by the same standard. It’s that whole speck/plank in the eye thing from the Bible. While I’m pointing out and laughing at the books, lip balm, and reading glasses I am forced to contemplate my even more egregious habit of not throwing away toothpicks. My habit is gross and tacky while hers is practical and proactive.

The fact remains, books, lip balm and reading glasses aren’t nearly as aesthetically displeasing as spent toothpicks.

What objects do you have lying around in your house and what are they saying about you? Come on, confession is good for the soul. Leave your comment below and share this post with your friends. And while you’re at it, you can click, like and subscribe.