An ideal Father’s Day

How does Dad really want to spend Father’s Day?

Advertising and algorithms driving our social media feeds would have us believe dads want to spend the day fishing, camping, watching baseball or playing golf. I’m sure there are some dads who do want to do those things.

My ideal Father’s Day looks more like this:

Rise early. I’m going to wake up at 5 a.m. anyway, but maybe if I’m lucky, I can stay in bed until 5:30.

Finish the NY Times Wordle in three or fewer guesses. I’m currently riding a 86 day streak, and I’m trying to get to a balance between guessing the word in three tries and four tries. Four is winning. Nothing starts a day off like solving it in three or less, am I right?

Enjoy a silent house while reading, reflecting and journaling with a cup of coffee that never gets cold. Thanks to my parents giving me one of those metal coffee cups and hot plate warmers for Christmas, this miracle is possible.

Carla and I lead a young adult Bible study at church, so my Sundays aren’t complete without spending time with these friends. My day, and even my whole week, will be better when I am in church, setting aside my phone along with the cares of the world to spend an hour in worship.

For lunch, I want leftovers. Whatever is oldest in the fridge and about to go bad. Do not take me to a dad restaurant where there’s a wait or noise or a fuss. Just let me go home and enjoy Tuesday night’s meatloaf, mashed potatoes and peas. Father’s Day isn’t really oriented around food anyway. There’s not a traditional Father’s Day meal, though if anything I think grilled meats such as pork ribs or burgers are considered standard Father’s Day fare. Let me have the satisfaction of being efficient with our food and not letting anything spoil. That just feels good.

The most crucial element of my day follows lunch: a nap. Again, this doesn’t have to be an hours-long ordeal of adorning my pjs and crawling under the covers. Give me 30 minutes on top of my made bed with maybe just the duvet pulled up to my chin, and I am transformed. Like Luke in the bacta tank after his run in with the wampa on Hoth, I will be rejuvenated and refreshed. It’s all I need to be pleasant, engaging and supportive as a husband and father. It probably makes me a better all around person, but that’s dependent on how soon after I have to drive in Atlanta traffic.

For my next activity, give me an hour or so to sit in a rocking chair on my front porch with a good book. I can wave at the neighbors out for a Sunday afternoon walk and escape into my books. It’s nice to sit outside on a warm June day away from the bone chilling air conditioning inside. I might even have some more of that coffee from breakfast. You can even just warm it in the microwave. I am not picky.

The rest of the day doesn’t have to go in any particular order, but it must include a chance to talk to my dad. I usually call my folks on Monday nights, but Father’s Day is just me and him catching up and analyzing why the Braves and Rays stink so bad this year. Reminiscence and updates on our dogs are regular segments of our talks. On Father’s Day I need to let him know how much I appreciate him.

I then want some kind of family outing. I don’t care what it is as long as we do it together. I will even go shopping if it’s something I can do with however many of my offspring can make it home for the day. Carla’s welcomed, too. No need to exclude her just because it’s Father’s Day. I mean I wouldn’t be a father without her, so she should come along and add to the fun.

The outing can be a meal. Father’s Day dining out doesn’t have to be lunch. And if we have a big lunch at home of fresh food rather than leftovers, then dinner can be real simple. Give me a sandwich or take me for carnitas tacos at Los Hermanos… but only if I didn’t already eat there Friday night.

Over dinner or during our outing, I want laughter. It doesn’t have to be at my jokes, and it can even be at my expense. This seems to be a fun thing for my boys to do these days. I can handle it. Part of the joy is knowing one day they will be just like me. And these hilarious jokes about their old man will take on poignant resonance because they recognize me in their habits and sayings. It’s the circle of life.

At the end of the day, I want to put my head on the pillow with a prayer of gratitude on my lips for being a dad. All of the stress and second guessing and balancing work and family and killing bugs and reaching high dishes in the cabinet and changing light bulbs and ironing and taking kids places and waiting on kids to come out of places and listening to problems without judgement and expressing tenderness and occasionally losing it over something silly like having to sign into the Netflix account with the remote is all worth it knowing I mean something to someone.

In the end, I want a Father’s Day with rest, connection with family and laughter. I hope my fellow dads out there get their ideal day this year. Happy Father’s Day.