If snow falls and ice coats the streets but you weren’t planning on leaving your house anyway, does it count as a snow day?
The majority of America will experience Winter Storm Fern this weekend, and by the time you read this, you may have already been beset with arctic temperatures, snow, ice, sleet, and the dreaded “wintry mix,” which may or may not be a scent from Bath and Bodyworks involving chimney smoke, balsam and vanilla.
Here at New South Essays headquarters in Lilburn, Ga., we are forecasted to receive mostly ice. While that makes for good sledding, especially on my very steep street, it’s not good for the snow angels and snowmen construction or other of the rather limited snow activities we Southerners go nuts for when we have a rare snow event.
As has been previously documented in this space, we’re down to our last offspring residing in our home, and at 17, he’s not much into the whole outdoor snow play routine anymore. Last time it snowed a year ago, the extent of his outdoor play was taking selfies with the blanket of white as a backdrop.
The other factor that limits our excitement is that Fern promises to be more ice than snow, which as we all learned from Snowpocalpyse in 2014, is decidedly not fun, particularly if you have to drive (or skid, more accurately) in it.
While there are significant meteorological differences between a snowstorm and an icestorm, these two weather phenomena generate similar responses in Southerners. We all flock to the grocery store to stock up on foods we don’t usually eat so we can “be prepared.” We buy firewood even though we don’t have a working fireplace. We post photos on the socials as soon as there is the least bit of precipitation, whether it is frozen or not. And nowadays, we post videos of children and/or pets frolicking in the first drops of sleet or flakes of snow in celebration of this all-too-rare occurrence.
The real problem with Winter Storm Fern is timing. She’s messing with our weekend. I’m sure some folks are flummoxed because they are missing out on important and fun activities. Work and school, though, will not be cancelled because it’s already the weekend. The only parts of school that are cancelled are the extracurriculars which are supposed to be the funnest parts of school.
As for me, I’ll get my walk in before it hits. I may even be able to sneak in one last Publix run to see if anything is left on the shelves and to pick up that lemon curd or other obscure ingredient we’re sure to “need.” But otherwise, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. Yes, Sunday church has been canceled, but the committee meeting will be virtual, so “yay!” for that.
Fern’s timing does look to disrupt Monday’s schedule. She stands to make the worst time of the week – that Monday morning commute – completely impossible. So she does get credit for most likely giving us all that glorious snow day experience from childhood?
Not so fast my friend. That mythical “snow day” off from responsibilities no longer exists. As I wrote about last winter, “snow days” are gone, like Blockbuster and phone booths. They have been replaced by working remotely and asynchronous learning days. Don’t be lying around, watching “The Price is Right” (is that even still on?) and eating loaves of bread and drinking gallons of milk. You’ve got work to do and online lessons to complete.
Besides, by Tuesday morning, we’ll all be back in the office, or worse for those who have to work outside in this, with temperatures in the teens and, in some places, single digits. That will be the real fun.
So, thanks for nothing, Fern. From this vantage point on the front end of all of this polar vortexing, arctic blasting and freezing precipping, you are proving to be a major disappointment.
New South Essays 