My innocent Facebook post on Tuesday sparked enough comments to let me know I struck a nerve.
Here’s what I posted the morning after Memorial Day: “Remembering that as I return to work today, Carla is at work 24/7. Summer vacation for children means summer overtime for parents who stay at home full- or part-time.”
One commenter suggested I blog about this topic. Challenge accepted.
Unless you are “Phineas and Ferb,” summer vacation holds a mixture of dread and anticipation. We all can remember the exhilaration of that final bell and those carefree days of “No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks.”
Like everything else, summer is more complicated in the New South. For working parents, there is a logistical puzzle that must be assembled so that your children are cared for every moment you are not at home. For parents who stay at home with the kids, summer can be just as daunting. Even the most doting and loving of parents has a limit of child time, and playing cruise director for your kids all summer can make you want to experience some of that heart fondness that can only come from absence.
Upon further review, I think I’ve isolated six reasons summer is no vacation. Feel free to disagree. Here goes:
1. Filling the hours. Whether you are at home with your kids or having to work, you must find something for them to do. Not to put too a fine a point on it, but if you fail to occupy their time, they will be possessed by Satan and destroy you. Or, you’ll get arrested for child neglect. Either way, it’s bad.
2. Fighting. If you are blessed to have multiple children, you know that where two or more are gathered, there is mortal combat. Carla, who is an only child, frequently asks: “Were you like this with your brothers?” And since there were three of us boys in my family just as I have three boys now, I say with a smile and a shake of the head: “Yes… yes, in fact, I was exactly like this with my brothers.” One of the universal truths of siblings is that there will be bloodshed, particularly if the hours are not filled constructively (see item no. 1).
3. Lack of routine. We all know children need structure. Your household is only two or three nights of staying up late to watch “Phineas and Ferb” away from utter chaos. Irregular sleep patterns begets irritability which begets unpleasantness which begets conflict which begets tears which begets punishment which begets whining which begets parental insanity.
4. Dietary battles. Cheese puffs and chocolate chip cookies in massive quantities make children crazy. No scientific study needed. Don’t even get me started on the “cleaning your plate” conversation. Cheese puffs and cookies will invariably invoke the “I’m not hungry” declaration at a well-balanced meal consisting of vegetables.
5. Electronics and TV. Back in the day, we only had re-runs and cartoons on the telly to idle away the hours. Now, children have an array of devices to keep their heads buried in all summer. I don’t know about your children, but when mine watch too much television and stay on their iDevices too long, they make poor decisions that result in my elevated blood pressure and their solitary confinement.
6. No break from children. Even the weakest of us can sustain decent parenting for a few hours, maybe even a few days. Summer is the ultra-marathon of parenting. It’s a 100-day relentless slog through the perils of having to be a negotiator, diplomat, nutritionist, chauffeur, party planner, referee, electronics technician, chef, lifeguard, teacher, shepherd, and the list goes on and on.
Summer isn’t just a frolic in the pool, and I’m sure parents have been dealing with these challenges for generations. It may seem harder these days, but I think the hardest part for us as parents is that we have to find balance. We can’t afford the luxury of narcissism. Yes, we may steal a few moments here and there, but in order for summer to be enjoyable for our children and survivable for us, we have to change our mindset. For the next 100 days, it’s really not about us.
To help you with this challenge, I leave you with the immortal wisdom of Phineas and Ferb:
There’s 104 days of summer vacation
And school comes along just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it.
Good luck finding the good way to spend it without spending all of your income.
Do you dread school ending for the summer? How do you cope? What are your fondest memories of summer as a child? What are some activities you plan in order to keep your kids occupied? Leave a comment and share your wisdom.
4 thoughts on “Summertime blues”
The nice thing about getting old is forgetting all the fighting in the summer from my 3 sons. Now I am just thrilled when they come and visit a bring their children. We are enjoying 3 grandsons right now.
As a parent of 4, I agree completely. Summer is hard! But it’s not quite as bad as you make it out to be… it’s only for 76 days, not 100. 😉
Lance, not so sure that I agree with you on Rule #1. Kids, like adults, need at least some time that is just theirs to do things that interest them (without the interference of siblings or planning on the part of parents). Otherwise, how will they be able to handle those long, endless summer-like days of retirement??!!
Lance, This struck a nerve with me, but in a different way. As a child I hated summer for precisely the same reasons you listed! Lack of structure/filling the hours, fighting (24/7 with brother), no break from children (only kids to play with and adults wanting to have nothing to do with us), dietary battles (Mom’s experiments with gourmet cooking and no treats in my brown bag lunch). Then again, I would not trade those summers for the world. We would spend a few weeks with each set of grandparents in West Virginia (the city set and the country set), and the start of school was tremendously exciting. That shopping trip to the mall to select our allotted clothes for the year…still gives me butterflies thinking about it.
Regarding logistical arrangements in the New South, a divorced friend with two kids called me today and told me about a business trip she has to make and casually mentioned she doesn’t know whom she can get to look after the children. I’m not biting!
Enjoy your posts very much!