I really miss colorful, old-timey idioms in everyday speech.
Original turns-of-phrase catch my ear and bring joy to my heart. The better a person is at coming up with such quips on the spot, the more I admire them for their quick wit, intellect and personality.
You know the kind of sayings I’m talking about: “Dumber than a bag of hammers,” “Best thing since sliced bread,” “Poor as Job’s turkey,” “Useful as a screen door on a submarine” among others. I found an interesting starter-pack compilation over at HotToddy.com if you need a refresher.
Back in October when I was watching a lot of ESPN College GameDay, on account of my interest in glimpsing a certain Redcoat Marching Band trumpeter on the TEE-vee, I was treated to a special session of a Southern master of the art at the height of his game. Comedian Jeff Foxworthy was the guest picker for the segment when the show’s hosts and analysts pick the winners of the biggest games of the day concluding with Lee Corso donning the headgear of the mascot of the team he thinks will win the game of the week.
Georgia was hosting Kentucky in Athens and Foxworthy was the celebrity guest picker. He not only had interesting insights about each game, he crafted a special metaphor to match. My favorites were “tighter than Aunt Trudy’s stretch pants the day after Thanksgiving” and “As welcomed as a muddy dog at a wedding.” You can watch the whole segment over at the YouTube.
To be honest, I wish I was better at idiomatic language. I find that I increasingly cannot easily recall names, places, titles or even sometimes simple words in everyday conversation, nevermind being original, hilarious and insightful with my comparisons. But there’s hope.
Friends, I’m here to say that I’ve discovered the perfect antidote to mundane palaver. If you aspire to quintessentially Southern oratory, run, don’t walk, to the internet and pick yourself up a new card game that will test your creativity and provide hours of family fun, not to mention practice at being the envy of all your dialogical partners.
Just Like Mama Used to Say is a card game from the Birmingham, Alabama,-based media company It’s a Southern Thing. If you are a self-identified Southerner, your social media algorithms have probably brought their videos to your feeds on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Tik Tok.
During our COVID-impacted Christmas vacation, our family thoroughly enjoyed Just Like Mama Used to Say. We gave it to our oldest as a gift because he shares my love of Southernisms and making just the right comparison. It was a hit.
From our first session, we had some doozies. My favorites were “His truck was as fast as a pack of wiener dogs on a treadmill.” I don’t know that a pack of wiener dogs is all that fast, but it sure is fun to say.
Gameplay is easy. If you’ve ever played Apples to Apples, you will immediately know how this game works. Players draw cards containing phrases, put them together to make an original phrase that is then selected as the winner of that round by the designated judge. Each player in turn gets a chance to be the judge, and the topics of each round are selected by random draw of a set of cards. The winner is the first person to have five of their idioms chosen. You can shorten or elongate games by decreasing or increasing the number of times your combination of cards is chosen, but you get the point. It’s as easy as instant grits.
After you’ve mastered the original deck of cards, you can order the “Back to School” and “Go to Church” expansion packs. It’s more fun than poking doodle bugs with a chopstick.
So if you appreciate a well-turned phrase, I encourage you to join me in committing to putting in the effort to be more colorful with your language. Maybe you have a few such sayings in your family’s collective memory you can bring back, if only to use ironically. Some may not have aged well, but if you act like you’ve got some sense, you can navigate those sensitivities.
Meanwhile, I’m going to be working on my material over on the Twitter. Not all of them will be winners, so y’all just give me a little grace. My hope is that in making the attempt, I can contribute to elevating our discourse, bringing a little laughter to our lives and inspiring others to make an effort at connecting and communicating.
I don’t know about you, but I could sure use a good dose of all that right about now.
Do you have any favorite Southern idioms? Leave a comment. You can even try out a few original lines. I promise no one will judge. We might say “Bless your heart,” but we won’t judge.